The High Noon Gladiator

I've got something serious to talk about. Something that's got me worried and its been eating me up inside. I don't know, I feel like I'm approaching the point of no return. I've talked with people, written others and I've even cried into the ear of a few strangers. What better place than here I guess to purge myself of the mental constraints I've been living with everyday of my life.

Day in and day out I am reminded of the horrible consequences that I could bring upon myself by allowing this affliction to invade the sanctity of my soul. I don't even know where to start or how to quantify the overwhelming distress I am feeling. I guess I'll just say it, forgive me, here goes.

I CAN NOT STOP BUYING JUNK FOOD FOR LUNCH!!! I really can't, I love it! Cheese steak subs, sausage calzone, general tso's chicken, well done french fries, mac & cheese, Italian cold cuts, Royal Farm's steak fries, orange chicken, grilled cheese w/ sausage and tomato, (that's my favorite by the way) meatball sub, the hot bar at various grocery stores and last and probably least Burger King. Shoot, I've even tapped the 7-eleven pizza carousels from time to time. That is pizza right?

Anyway, why do I do this? Why do I love food so much? Especially that which is bad for me. Being such a calorie conscious workout nut it doesn't make sense and I can't figure it out. The only real conclusion I could ever come up with was, Monotony Neurosis. Sounds clinical, I like it.

I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this through smudged glass, maybe it has nothing to do with food at all. Maybe, just maybe, its something much much more. Something from way down deep in the pit of my psyche. Maybe its bordom? That's got to be it!

It has been horribly slow at work during this recession. Funny thing is, I bring a beautiful assortment of food from home everyday and everyday around 10:30 my head becomes the referee in a vicious shoulder to shoulder UFC contest between two mini Garys. The victor usually being the one dressed in red.

Its at that point my mind begins its rapid descent into the imaginary abyss of sustenance. Then, from the large clock on the wall comes a thunderous THWACK as the second hand finishes its ascension into perfect vertical alignment with its brothers clad in black. HIGH NOON!

In desperate need of my daily allotted time of sunshine and air free of dungeon like stench, I race to my car and venture out onto temptation highway, otherwise known as York road. Its there I go for a daily four wheeled stroll to relieve some stress and fight off the rigors of the day. It is also there that the real battle begins.

Let me try to paint a picture for you. Imagine yourself in the time of the roman empire strolling along the city streets filled with merchants, magicians, peasants and street savvy peddlers. The air is alive and filled with sounds of street music, the constant murmur of heavy bartering, the sweet aroma of fresh fruits and warm bread and the occasional plea of the desperate.

As I pass by all of the places that pray on my weaknesses their brightly colored signs claw at me with the persistence of seasoned street vendors. Its then I start to feel the gentle tug of temptation breaking down my defenses and seducing me into submission.

Time after time I lose my battle with Yorkeus Roadeus, the greatest compromiser of integrity my world has ever seen. Today it was Subway's tuna fish. Tomorrow it will probably be guilt laden hot bar. Meanwhile the wonderfully healthy food that I brought from home grows weary with complex and draws ever closer to the realm of the underworld. (dumpster out back)

In closing, is all of this really that big of a deal? No it's not. I just figure like some people though, I'm manically exercising regularly, so that I can give into my temptations quite frequently, all the while enjoying the not so positive fruits of life. Its been pretty slow at work lately, lots of time to get lost in some crazy thoughts and eccentric reasoning.